Moved into my apartment. I'm all alone. Sometimes it's weird. Lonely.
I don't really know what I want. Do I really want Matt? I like hanging out with him any being with him, but that's how it always starts. Then it goes to the inevitable downward spiral of decay. Whatever I am doing is making him like me more. Though whatever that is elludes me. He really is the sweetest guy I know. I just don't want to hurt him. We're supposed to be going to RHPS on friday if his dad will give us a ride. He still won't ask me ... and I know it's because I said no before. I can't always get what I want. Then again, meybe I'm not what he wants. Meybe I am just some chick he likes hanging out with because he doesn't want to be at home. Meybe that's all I am to him. I guess that's okay ... not like I could make him see me as more if I wanted to. I can't make people do or feel any certain way just because I want them to.
I'm loosing too much weight. Weird for me to say that. I look in the mirror and my cheeks look gaunt and sunken in. My hipbones stick out a lot. Meybe I'm just being over analytical.